I hope this is true

Mom said something through the texted that she never said it before, well she did something similar but now is different. I don't know if she read my blog trying to make me change my mind about her but I did say she is a kind person. Just worried it happens again that's all because it's been repeating itself.

She sent me this.

My boyfriend however got mad at me for not being rough to get what I want. The problem is that I am naturally nice even during my Birthday I pay everything. Anyway, I'm glad mom gave me my freedom. Good thing I don't have to live my life hiding in the world and when I have a child I really want my child to see his/her grandparents.

I don't know what's wrong with the world now. I blame the devils to ruins people minds, including me sometimes. Actually, I did prayed to God continuously telling him I know that I am a sinner but I hope he could help me with something. So mom, I love you since I was small but I try not to fail you even if without education. Just please don't feel embarrass to have a daughter like me, even I believe God himself is happy to have everyone as his children even if they poor or rich and he never abandon and forsake them.

My last post I wrote it because of heartbreak and anger so now I guess I can calm now. God, I asked this and I don't expect you to see through my blog but whoever read this blog will be my witness. Guide me through the hardship and hopefully I achieve what I want in the end and bless everyone, including the one who is reading this now. Thank you God. I seriously don't want to burden anyone but myself.

I felt like the girl in Brave now, like the ending just my mom's at KK and I'm at KL trying to find a living. I'm 22 years old so I better be wise making decision now.

Money Can Make A Person Evil

From my last post, I've been talking about how I wish to live in a simple life and suddenly out of no where today drama happens. I really hate playing the blame game but it's about my College in SEGi being a pain in the ass. Seriously, who are we to blame? but it seems that everyone seem to be pointing finger at me for not being serious until my own mom said that I cheat on her or trick her, excuse me? Why don't you talk to me first before jumping to conclusion! you've been wasting your time waiting for their respond on your letter and I've been to College back and fort to ask about the exempt paper. I thought you were suppose to be the one asking for their schedule? Beside my sister also have been asking for the schedule and ask when I should be starting but they said something about to ask me to wait.

College and my mom destroy me! Seriously, if this world depend on education and money. I don't think God would be please. My mom is so unforgiving! I know God ask us to forgive one another which I will but I feel it's time I follow my own path than others creating one for me. It's the same old same drama rewinding itself.

3. 1 Timothy 6:10 

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

I know about the commandment say about "Honor your father and mother" but how am I to honor if my mom keep on making my life more terrible without any support?! She never once consult with me when I needed someone to talked to. I remember when I did a huge mistake in the past I felt like talking to my mom about it and it was like 8/9 years ago, you know what she said? She said I deserved it.

I thought she change for this couple of years because there's laughter and joy but there's no different, when it comes to trouble she is the same person as she was. My sister over read her sms and that good for nothing god child yang tidak tau malu! asked rm200 and my mom okay with it but when her former god child asked for money, she refuses because suddenly she convert to muslim and now she's wanting a divorce and still my mom wouldn't help to be her lawyer, where's the forgiveness? obviously, she just wanting face, and she called herself a St.Franciscan.

Guess what? She even fake a heart attack and asked her right hand man to text me about it.

Don't be tricked by it. If it really was an emergency, they would call but seeing how he sms seems to be calm and FAKE. We've been investigating her so-called heart attack when we called her office and one of her staff said she just went out and eat with ugak (right hand man) but her text that she sent to my sister said she's with the doctor.

Actually my mom is a kind person just she have this bipolar sickness. She been trying to destroy my dad which was far more worst than me. I shouldn't be spreading too much about her mistakes towards her own family because I know she wanting to be the one who is in controlled. A woman can't be in control, it should be the man. What I know is that Jesus want me to forgive and continue forward so I am by not going back but forth. I just let it pass by. Sigh, I just hate it when she scream at the College because of me, can't she say it kindly? I was there holding in my tears in front of the receptionist when they heard my mom screaming through the phone. It was an embarrassment again because it happens before in my previous College too, she asked one of the college staff to talk about me and said that I have problem.

Seriously, I have problem? I'm with a problem that is unsolved, the whole semester I just hold it in only but of course I have a limit, I stopped. Now I know how the girl from Brave feels, that she hated her mom's attitude but I can't let Disney movies manipulate me. I just have to go my way and choose the path that would make me get closer to God. I just don't want money and work to occupy me from the world and I don't want to be suck in by darkness also. I know maybe my Dad wish I continue but . . it's hopeless now. I felt maybe God wanting me to do something else.

So God forgive me for complaining the truth about my mom. I just can't stand it anymore. Please God be with me and forgive my mom for her unknowing deeds that she commit because she not know what she done. Same as Peter asked Jesus.

Matthew 18:21-30

 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times

It's time that I change

It’s been such a long time I haven’t been blogging about anything. When I read back all my blog post I realize I got some grammar issues so I try to work on that if I have more time here. So it’s 2013, this year it’s time I start being a new person because last year I just started thinking of God continuously everyday of my life but unfortunately being the human that I am, I’m still caught up by the material things that are in the world. I can’t change 100% directly but the good news is that I’ve been giving up many things to show I must change (I even burn some of the things believe it or not). I’ve been giving up video games, anime, cosplaying and whatever this world created to make us occupied.

I change but not many are satisfied with my decision. I get fewer friends now than before but at least it shows that they are still willing to be my friend. Before knowing and accepting Jesus into my heart, I was lost and many didn’t help me much when I had a nightmare about the world going to be controlled by darkness. I don’t know whether if it were a sign or just I’ve been watching too much horror movies but what I saw was seriously change my life forever. When I prayed in the dream the demon stop torturing me and I suddenly woke up. Click here to read more .

Then months and months flew by I felt like a new girl. Refresh after finding out the truth. The truth is that this world was made by GOD but humans have corrupted it and some people think the people who made these things are a gift from God. Although our life is easier now to be having many things to make us feel convenient and I believe it’s not wrong but abusing what you have will be.

So on this 2013, I’m going to try and change my outlook. I was a heavy makeup kind of girl covering God’s beauty by applying fake eyelashes, contact lens and so on just to be accepted by society. Then I realize why am I pleasuring others by my fake-ness? I should be pleasuring God but also a bit to myself. I only wear makeup just to cover up my blemishes.

Let's take a look at me without make up.

And this is me with heavy make up.

A lot of different, right?

My boyfriend hate me wearing make up and diet because he's a jealous type and he thinks I'm doing it for people which is partly true. I am thankful to have a boyfriend like him, he does admit I look nice with make-up but he said I look more beautiful without it. Makes me kinda shy, hehe.

So from now onward I will live my life simple. I wont chase something that wouldn't live forever because being with God is the most precious thing ever. So God help me even if there's still criticize me. Hopefully one day I can fully change and become the woman that God and my boyfriend want.